Dating for me is hard.
If it was easy, I would be in a loving, healthy, happy relationship right now. But…. I am not!
It is not just me, a lot of my friends feel the same way.
For me, I do not like a lot of people. I may go out and meet people but there is not any connection. I do not feel the connection there to want to kiss most people (in the future not when I meet them lol), which is a sign that romantically I do not want to be with them.
The romance department is different than any other area of my life.
If I work hard and meet my deadlines, my business is booming. If I work out and eat right my body is tight.
If I use my calm app, pray and do devotions my spiritual mindset is right.
If I plan my schedule to volunteer I am all set with my volunteer needs.
There is no rhyme or reason. I understand that when I like someone, my love language is quality time. If I do not get it, I do not feel valued or important. I do not mind dating a busy individual, but what I do mind is not being a priority.
It may be the type of men I am attracted to or what I am putting in the universe.
I do know but what I do know is that I am exhausted. I am emotionally drained and so I am taking a break. I am upset that men approach me that are not ready for marriage. I am upset that Black Men in their late 20s/ early 30s that approach me are still out here playing games.
Without getting too much into it this is why I am taking a break.
- It is emotionally draining to have a goal of having 3 meaningful connections when you go out. That is added pressure to just go out and when you do not make your goal you feel like the night was a “waste.”
- My feelings were hurt. For the first time in a long time, my feelings were hurt and I was adult enough to admit it. Expectations that were made at the beginning were not fulfilled and it made me start to question myself and what was wrong with me.
- I did not want to become bitter, closed off or scorned. After that last disappointment, I felt my mood changing. I blocked the individual because someone with the ability to affect my mood did not have the right to have phone call access to me. Because I am a grown woman and know myself, I decided a break was best. I need to recharge, remove some of the pressure and bring my mood back to the nice, normal Danielle.
- I know myself, and it takes me too long to get over a heartbreak. Heartbreaks for me are rough. I lose weight, I take too long to get over the situation and it can affect my work flow. So to avoid all of that before it got too deep I ended a situation that I felt was going down the wrong path and decided to take a break before I ended up broken.
All of this came to me now that I have taken time to really know who Danielle is. Popular society will try to tell you that you are something else or to try to be someone else because it is cool. So let me tell you what I am not, even though there are popular songs out there supporting it.
- Savage- I am not a savage. I want monogamy and I do not want to kiss a lot of frogs to get to my prince.
- I don’t care. I do care and I care a lot. It takes a lot to even get to the stage where I like you. So when it does not work out my feelings are impacted.
- I would be okay without a family. That is not true. I want a husband and a lot of children and if I did not have either in my lifetime, I would feel that my life was incomplete.
This post was all about me being honest with myself and the life circumstances happening around me. I encourage anyone reading this to take some time to really know yourself and to not allow outside situations, especially temporary ones to not allow you to be closed off to love, happiness and your desires.
Say it with me, “love is for me and I deserve the best.”